The Pivot Point

The idea had been brewing in my mind for a long time, around two years. However, something felt different when I returned home after spending time in Rio, and I knew it was time for a change.

At that point, I had been working a corporate job for over 6 years. I consistently exceeded expectations in performance reviews without putting in much effort. But I lacked the drive or ambition to climb the corporate ladder. It didn't seem worthwhile to me. Those who thrived in that environment had a lot of passion (or were good at faking it) for their roles and the problems they faced. They didn't mind working long hours. I couldn't see myself doing that; it didn't seem worth the effort. I wanted free time and energy to pursue other things.

However, in today's corporate world, you're always connected to work. Even when you try to disconnect, your phone might ring in the middle of the night, pulling you into emergencies. I was never truly free, at least not in my mind.

Since my work didn't bring me fulfilment, I started questioning what I was working for. Was it to have nice vacations, party and dine luxuriously over the weekends, or buy expensive things? The more I thought about it, the clearer it became that I was trading five days of work (and a lot of mental energy) for material possessions or trivial things. It became evident that I might regret this in the future when reflecting on my life.

This triggered high anxiety, pushing me to take action and come up with a plan to quit my job. The first step was to find another job, as that seemed like the logical thing to do. So I spoke to recruiters and scheduled interviews. During the interviews, I was pleasantly surprised to see the candidates were extremely passionate and energetic about their roles and the problems their start-ups were tackling. They reminded me of myself five years ago, which led me to believe that getting a new job was the right move.

However, I soon realized that within a few years, those start-up jobs would likely become equally draining. Bureaucracy and politics would take over, and the enjoyable aspects of the job would diminish. This seemed to be the cycle in most (if not all) companies. By getting a new job, all I would be doing is delaying the discomfort for a few more years, and then I would find myself back at square one. Quickly, my plan B fell apart. I would not be pursuing a new job.

At this point, many unknowns and fears arose about this new situation. How would I make money without a job? How would I meet interesting people to learn from? How would I spend my time? What would give me a sense of value? What would replace the social interactions in the office? More questions and unknowns flooded my mind. As an engineer, I wanted answers to all of them. However, I realized that up until this point, I had been living within boundaries. I went to primary school, then high school, graduated, moved on to university, and then got a job. I repeated this cycle multiple times, and here I was.

When I looked at my life in this way, I realized I hadn't had much time to explore and wander, to discover other paths. I hadn't had the chance to decide how I truly wanted to spend my time, free from the constraints of a company or someone else's expectations. So, in the same way people buy themselves a nice car or a luxurious vacation, I decided to buy myself at least one year of complete freedom to pursue something else. I wasn't sure what that something else was yet, but I hoped that by removing the constraints of having a job, clarity would come soon.